Hurt Like This
by omurice
Summary: Oneshot[NejiTen] He was there when she killed her first man. She told him, “I hope it always hurts like this.”


_Author's Note: Another useless Neji/Tenten oneshot _

_If anybody has any pairing requests, feel free to send them to me in a review (until I figure out the messaging system on ff --;;) I'd happily write something for you as long as it's not some ridiculous and crazy pairing like temari/kisame _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing _

**Strength and Pain **

She was still only a girl when she took her first life. Neji had watched her, only a girl and painfully unprepared.

It was an escort mission gone wrong when a small gang of bandit nin attacked the caravans, screaming battle cries that gave them away. As a man descended down on her, she had acted instinctively, thrusting cold steel into warm flesh. She saw his eyes widen in pain as his momentum drove him further onto the sword and crashing into Tenten. The air rushed from her lungs as he fell heavily on her strewn figure and as his blood seeped onto her chest she realized the body above her was no longer alive.

"Tenten!" With a quick jab of his open hand, Neji ended his own fight and hurried to her side, not bothering to avoid the pool of blood gathering around her.

When Neji rolled the corpse off her and helped her up, he was vaguely proud that she did not cry. Her face was white, eyes wide and her hands trembled slightly but she reacted like a kunoichi and showed no tears. She saved those until they were alone.

-------------

Tenten was quiet for the rest of the day. For once, Gai had enough sense to leave her be and Neji's sharp glares kept Lee's worried questions at bay. When they set up camp for the night, Neji returned from scouting to find Tenten crouched beside the small fire, a pained expression on her face that was illuminated by the glow. He sat beside her silently, a little closer than he normally would have. Tenten attempted to give him a smile, but it was a sad imitation of her usual luster. She sighed quietly, leaning slightly into him and for a while the only sound was the comforting crackle of the flames.

_Did he have a family? Was he a father? A son? A husband or maybe a brother?_

Tenten's thoughts were accentuated by the silence of the forest around her and Neji's steady breathing. Without looking at him she took a deep breath and spoke softly.

"I'm sorry. I know killing is a part of a shinobi's life. It's just-"

"I understand," Neji interjected, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "You don't need to apologize."

Wordlessly, Tenten nodded and continued staring at the twisting flames. Neji gazed at her sideways, tracing her features. The light of the fire illuminated her smooth forehead and the gentle slope of her nose. It sent valleys of shadows across her cheekbones and curve of her jaw, which at the moment was unpleasantly tense. Death was not new to Neji. The passing of his father had introduced him to what would be a lifetime of killing, but it was not so for Tenten.

"Neji," Tenten's quiet voice called. "I'm afraid."

Neji's jaw tightened unnoticeably at her confession. He had always been glad that she was the kunoichi on his team. She was levelheaded, calm, and never foolish unlike other certain kunoichi he could think of that spent their time trying to impress boys than working on their skills. In their time together, she'd hardly ever shown weakness.

"It'll get easier, Tenten. With time it-"

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of."

Her voice wasn't any louder or forceful but there was a rawness that made the world seem that much crueler, if only for a moment. His stare was unwittingly pulled to her face and there was a heaviness in his throat when he saw the telltale gleam rimming her eyes. The tears, reflecting the fire, made her eyes glow amber and were all the more noticeable. She wiped them away quickly- before they had the chance to fall because she wasn't some weeping maiden who saw poetry in streaming tears. But it wasn't before Neji noticed them and he recognized them as the first he'd seen from his strong kunoichi.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of, Neji," she swallowed thickly. "I'm afraid this is going to get easier."

Confusion was evident in the arch of his brows and the thin line of his mouth. "What are you saying?"

Tenten bit her lip to fight the stinging creeping at her eyes. "I hope that it never gets easier. I hope that no matter how many people I kill in my life, it always hurts like this."

Neji leaned closer, as if being nearer to her would help him understand.

"We're shinobi, Neji and we exist to kill. But if the day comes when I can end somebody's life and not _feel this,_" she brought her clenched hand to her chest, "then I've lost something. If the day comes when I can just keep going like I haven't ended somebody's existence, I couldn't call myself human anymore."

She started when a steady hand rested on her shoulder, strong and sure. His ivory gaze was shockingly alive as the twisting flames were reflected in them and for a brief moment, she was anchored. The world was no longer a place where the landscape was carved by war and being young and afraid was no longer such a crime.

"That day," he said, "will never come, Tenten."

His voice was so firm, leaving no room for doubt or argument and Tenten was grateful for Neji's consistency and unfaltering character. He squeezed her shoulder with that same firmness before speaking what was almost a promise.

"I'll be there to make sure of that."

----------------------------

They were nearly a decade older and she was no longer a child and a little more prepared.

He watched her as she perched easily on the branch before him, barely visible in the cover of dark and the shadows that seemed to envelope her figure. She dragged a piece of cloth over the cold blade of her katana, cleaning it of the blood that currently marred its gleaming surface. Her face was heavy as she fingered the cloth in her hand. He sat gracefully beside her and watched her practiced motions for a moment.

"Is it any easier?"

She didn't look up at first but he saw the bittersweet smile pull at her lips.

"No," she admitted easily, "It's not."

She smiled again when she felt his lips brushed her forehead. His breath was warm when he murmured against her skin.

"Then you're still my Tenten."

_Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you enjoyed and reviews are appreciated as always. Until my next update_


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